We all heard the phrase: “How can you love someone else if you don’t love yourself first?”
Here’s my take on it,
February is associated with love because of Valentine's Day, which mostly celebrates the romantic love between people. However, for this February’s theme of love, I would like to dedicate to the discussion on self-love because truly.. that is where it all starts.
Though I used to dismiss the overused phrase as cliche and find it cringy, I started to find its significance after a year of isolation in which I began my journey with self-love.
No one is born hating themselves, self-hate is the unfortunate consequence of being born in a society that prioritizes criticizing and boxing individuals. Authenticity is forcibly dimmed through socializing. So how I like to simply visualize this phenomenon, is by imagining the path of the rainbow mindset and the path of black and white thinking.
The choice to follow the rainbow path stands for an individual choosing an alternative perspective of recognizing the importance of having a fully authentic self be freely expressed; openness to the endless possibilities and outcomes in life; balance and stability within self and in connection to the world around; and the awareness of oneness and togetherness that is fueled by compassion, empathy, trust, care and love. An individual deciding to lean into this form of mindset does so because of self-love and acceptance that is strong enough to ground its roots despite the oppositional thoughts, repressions, and fears that may arise due to social conditioning.
The choice to follow the outdated preconditioned form of thinking, aka, black-and-white thinking, stands for an individual choosing to be closed-minded, and sets root in the comfort of ignorance and not facing the self. Meaning: the voice of the soul and heart are repressed by criticism, hatred, and rejection of the self. Many people stay in this mindset out of fear of what it would mean to face the rainbow because even though it is a rainbow, the journey consists of confronting and facing the monsters that have been ruling- after all, designed to do exactly so within the self since conception by society.
Both paths come down to choice, and one can change their mind at any time to take a different route, we are only humans doing the best we can. It is okay if we are unable to handle the rainbow at times and catch ourselves walking familiar patterns of the past. Or if we tried to walk the rainbow and decided to never walk it again. Just the same way, it is also okay to choose an alternative path that is authentic to yourself, honoring the fact you are who you are and instead of shaping the self you shape the world around from a place of self-acceptance and love.
I say all this to bring a form of neutrality in how we feel when we face people on different paths, and that is a form of self-love. I have walked the path of black-and-white thinking and chose to follow the rainbow that has been calling my name. I chose to commit to myself and give myself the very needed compassion, love, patience, and awareness I needed to get far enough in the journey of the rainbow that predicted a multitude of obstacles and blocks along the way. We all seek these things from others subconsciously, not yet realizing we can give them to ourselves.
And when you slowly start to realize you can, you commit to yourself just as you would within a relationship or friendship. This process starts to manifest the welcome door to open for external love, compassion, and understanding to show up in your life, adding to the love and acceptance you already are giving yourself. By being able to commit to loving yourself and seeing yourself with loving eyes as you would if you were madly in love with another human. You are inviting love to come because you are now open to it. It is no longer foreign or unreachable because you know how it feels. You start to see the world in pink-shade sunglasses. That is how I visualize the gratitude lens to be, and the deep connection and alignment to the world around in relation to the self. Having that initial foundation opens doors for a deeper connection to the world because there is a new perspective and new ability to appreciate.
I opened myself up to the bigger picture of life, and put on my pink shade sunglasses. And to see in those pink sunglasses is to self-validate that choice, that it isn’t a delusion, carelessness, or whatever society may have told you when they say to take off those pink shades. It is the choice to laugh at your silly nature but to also understand how big scary, and grand it can be because you are human and have an appreciation of the full picture and scope of life. It is actually the secret and key to the freedom and reclamation of the soul and human authenticity- THE RAINBOW. Seeing the world in pink means I see the many perspectives, and I am open to seeing the love within every person despite their path or their ability to meet me where I am. I have mastered the neutrality of accepting people how they are, and where they are right now in their journey, whether they can do the same for me or not.
Self-love is the reclamation and the daring to be your full authentic self. It is the fight for your freedom to be who you are when you are in balance within yourself. You smile to yourself and in turn, you see the world smile back, and there is nothing more magical, fulfilling, and rewarding than that connection. My initial commitment to self three years ago and where I find myself presently, I can say that the journey has been difficult, but so worth it. I hope I encourage you to either consider the path of the rainbow or if you already are on it, to continue fighting and staying committed to your soul’s purpose.