Some Thoughts After a Summer of Dating
You often hear “New York is the place to be!” when you are young and single. When Harry Met Sally or Serendipity come to mind—beautiful people, beautiful locations, beautiful love stories. Well, I beg to differ…
This summer I went on several dates with very different men: a wanna-be finance bro who spent way too many hours at JP Morgan, a visiting intern from California who was heading to Barcelona in the fall, and a recently graduated economics and philosophy major living at his parents apartment while he starts a new job in New York.
Dating in New York City felt more like a horror movie than a rom-com. Although those dates didn’t lead to profound romance, I discovered a lot about myself. Here are some of the lessons I learned:
Guy #1
Let's call Guy #1 Charles. He was sweet, he picked up a hefty tab, he made me feel comfortable. That is truly the bare minimum, but I was used to my ex-boyfriend who didn’t pay for anything and would occasionally leave abruptly during an intimate moment, never knowing if his parents would walk into his room that didn’t have a lock on the door. I got swept up by what Charles offered that my ex lacked, and I thought I liked him. I was in a place in my life where all of my friends were getting boyfriends—and I wanted one desperately. But dear Charles was horrible at texting, and just that alone sent me into a spiral. Here I realized, I was in no way ready for a relationship, and learning to love being alone was my new goal.
Guy #2
Let’s call Guy #2 Sam. Sam was also very sweet, but in the end… for lack of a better word… boring. I wasn’t super attracted to him either, but my friend knew his friend, and she thought he was cute. So I went on a date with Sam to secure a second double date with my friend and his cute friend. Said second date did occur… my work was done. The third date with Sam was painfully awkward—we had run out of things to talk about. I learned that even though I stress so much about making conversation before a date—to the point I cannot eat sometimes (I know, very dramatic)—it is also the other person that has to carry the conversation. I learned it isn’t just about them liking me, but me liking them. Dating is a two way street, it is not just as appearing desirable.
Guy #3
Guy #3—we’ll call him Chad (for obvious reasons)—did the most damage. At this point in the summer, I was so content being alone, and I didn’t want to mess that up. But it seemed like Chad and I might have a real connection, and I didn’t want to ruin that opportunity. We went on our first date, which went so well, then he wanted to see me again two days after. He texted me 24/7, told me how happy he was that he met me, even joked and asked me if I noticed any red flags. There were zero. It was great, until it wasn’t. He stopped communicating entirely—I spiraled, what did I do?
Turns out he and his girlfriend of five years had JUST broken up, we were talking not even a week after… that is a red flag. But then, I learned, he lied to me, and he and his girlfriend were only on a break. A break, not even a breakup.
He tried to make me feel like I was overreacting, downplayed his actions and our dates, but for the first time, I stood up for myself and I knew how I felt was valid. I was there, I know what happened, and his actions were not okay. I learned to not let someone tell me how to feel.
Cover Photo by Khoa Võ. Edited by Madison Case.