Dating Fatigue Got You Down? 5 Tips to Refresh Yourself
Dating fatigue is real. And when it hits, it hits where it hurts. Often you might not even realize that you’re suffering from dating fatigue, because, well, who even really talks about it? You might start to feel hopeless on the dating scene, maybe a general lack of energy or care about the people you’re talking to, and a growing feeling of “Why is it this so hard for me?”. You might be feeling like this after four unsuccessful dates or after two years of dating around. I can’t define exactly what dating fatigue is to you, but I can confidently tell you, that you are not alone.
My God, have I suffered from dating fatigue. How many times have I called my friends exclaiming that I am forever going to be on my own (dramatic), or claiming that I’m never going on a date again? (even more dramatic). Truthfully, there are too many times to count. But the question isn’t “Why me?” and it isn’t “Where are all the men?” (although maybe we should dedicate a team to finding all the good candidates), the question is “How do I get my energy back?”. Whilst dating can be so fun, it can also very easily become repetitive. The same opening questions, the same boring small talk; it’s only natural that you start to become indifferent to the results of your dates. It’s only natural that you feel exhausted.
So, I have listed 5 hot tips that will hopefully get you bouncing back into the arms of the many attractive, intelligent, and sexy people I know you can entice.
Tip One – Connect with your friends.
One of the most tiring parts about dating is the constant, repetitive, ‘Getting to know you’ opening conversation. Sadly, as this part of your life is already lived, your story doesn’t change and so you can very quickly feel like a broken record on a never-ending loop.
Hanging out with friends who have known you for years is the perfect antidote. Say goodbye to explaining why you decided to go to university, and hello to fun shit-talk, gossip, and the reliably hilarious “Remember when…” stories. It’s refreshing to be able to have fun with friends when you’re not so focused on keeping their attention. You already know your friends like you, you already know how to have fun with them and what makes them laugh. There is no pressure, and that lack of pressure can be the biggest reset. And hey, life isn’t always about who you’re dating—your friends are there for life, so don’t underestimate the power of friendship.
Tip Two – Be alone for a bit.
When you’re stuck in a dating rabbit hole, it’s easy to forget that being alone is awesome! You are awesome! Sometimes it’s healthy to remind yourself that you are capable of being alone, and that it is very much possible for you to enjoy it. So, take yourself out for the day, remind yourself of what you love to do. You’re the focus, you’re in control. Go for a hike, swim at the beach, go to a bookshop, then sit in a café and read.
My favourite things to do? A weekend away at a beach house; it’s just me, a house and a beach. I’m in bed by 9:30pm, I’m watching Gilmore Girls, I’m running and screaming into the windy ocean. It’s magical, and most importantly, it reminds me that being alone is something to be cherished.
You might even find that in spending time with yourself, you know more clearly what you want out of a relationship.
Tip Three – Know what you want.
The dating scene can feel a bit like a full-time job sometimes, except the hours extend far past the 9-5 grind. It’s easy to lose sight of who you are when you feel like you’re constantly on show for all the people you’re talking to. Suddenly you’re interested in football, you love playing FIFA, and (cue heavy sarcasm), “That story haha was so-haha-funny!!” In an attempt to have as many fingers in as many pies as possible, you have transformed yourself into eight different people. Who even are you? That lack of self is exhausting, and I promise you it’s not how to find love.
I, in desperation to sound "perfect," told a man how much I loved children (for context, he was a primary school teacher). This resulted in the whole date becoming a slideshow of all the snotty, five-year-old kids he’s taught in the past three years. I had to smile and laugh and “Aw!” for a solid two hours over kids I did not know and quite frankly, did not care about. Never again will I let this happen.
Safe to say, I didn’t see this man again. And I learnt an important lesson. Be yourself, know what you want and if they aren’t it... Don’t waste your time!
Tip Four – Change it up.
I’ve mentioned the word “repetitive” in this article before, haven’t I? So, no points for guessing WHY changing up the way you approach dates might give you the chance to reset. But, change what up? Everything! And I mean everything. Are you using apps? (of course you are, everyone is). Maybe ask a friend to set you up with someone. Or go to an actual bar and try to meet someone there. Change the way you find people. It keeps your dating scene interesting.
Change up your type. If you’re only dating blondes, I want you to give the person with the curly brown hair a go. Broaden your dating vision. How can you know what you want when you’re only focusing on lawyers? I mean, even if all dating the artist teaches you is that lawyers are better, you at least know that for a fact now. There’s no downside to broadening your horizons. Trust me.
Change where you go, change what you do. Go for a walk, go bowling, go to that bar you’ve always wanted to try but never have. Look at the location of the date as a shared experience, rather than just a host for a couple of drinks.
It is so easy to get comfortable in what you know. It’s even easier to stay in that comfort zone. But comfort often over time becomes boring. And you don’t want to settle for boring.
Tip Five – Take a break, delete those apps!
I deleted my apps two weeks ago, in a last-ditch attempt to refresh myself. What I’ve learned is that for me, Hinge, Bumble, and Tinder became habits. I wasn’t on it to look for boys, I was using it to pass my time, the same way I use Instagram. But then I was getting bummed out when I wasn’t feeling overly successful. Seems obvious now, but my heart wasn’t in it. Sigh.
In taking a break from my apps, dating has stopped being the first thing on my mind. It’s refreshing, honestly! It feels as though I have gotten out of a lock-in contract. I feel free. It took deleting my apps for me to realize that maybe right now, with everything I have going on, dating isn’t something I need to prioritize. Don’t be fooled, I’ll be back on those apps within the month, but right now I’m enjoying being alone and not worrying about whether Matt from Melbourne has responded to my message.
Cover Photo by Violette Nell. Edited by Caitlin Andrews.